Morning of Mourning

I woke up this morning and went to check my e-mail. One of my friends told me that another friend Anton Viktor Jungenberg had committed suicide. Here are my thoughts.


Why? Why couldn't I have done anything. Why did he do it? Why wasn't anyone with him yesterday? Who gave him the sleeping pills. Who was the last to see him?

I didn't know Anton as well as I would have liked to. I remember him in youth group in high school and I remember hanging out with him at the Coffee shop a few times. We would watch funny video's online or look at his latest artwork. I really loved him. I have maybe said some bad things about a lot of people but not once about Anton. He had an amazing heart. He seemed to try very hard to make others laugh and be happy. He always made me laugh. I never put him down or made fun of him or laughed AT him. But there's also one other thing I never did. Care. I might have acted like it. I might have asked him questions about his future and been sincerely interested but if I really cared about Anton I would have hung out with him more. I would have invited him to my house. I would have gone to visit him in San Diego after he went to college. But I didn't. I was to caught up in MY life.

The thing that hurts the most is that I really did like Anton. It wasn't like it would have been a burden to hang out with him its just deep inside of me there is a selfish being that doesn't do stuff if it doesn't benefit himself. Anton WAS loved. He might not have felt loved but he was. People might not of known they loved him but now they do. Regret is all around. I can feel it. From across the world I feel the Fallbrook air is quiet and still and dark.

When I heard the news this morning I went into my room and prayed... or tried. Mostly stared at the ceiling thinking. Thinking about stuff like what I could have done to stop this. I later found out that in the world someone commits suicide every 40 Seconds. Who else was sitting in their bed starring at the ceiling? I thought about how sad God must be. Every time one of his children give up.

I don't know if me being on the other side of the world makes this easier or harder to handle. I hate this feeling. This feeling that doesn't have a word. I hate when I get this way because I usually pretend like everything is OK. But everything isn't OK. And there comes a time when you can be selfish. And the selfish side of me says "NO I'm not OK! and I DON'T want to talk about it!"

Where are you Anton? I will never see your face again. Not on earth anyway. Pictures are lifeless... fleshless. And now so are you. I'd do anything to have yesterday back. To write you a note about how important you are. How much I enjoyed the laughs we had. How amazing your art was. But its to late.

Anton had posted a series of comments on Facebook before he passed. They were angry. They were REAL. Stuff like "F*** THIS S***! I LIVE FOR THE THINGS THAT LEAVE ME HOLLOW!" Anton was usually a soft spoken person. But not yesterday. He continued to post comments. That was his first one at 2:47 AM. And his last was at 2:59 AM it said "Anton Viktor Jungenbert is finally going to be free. Lets find out if there really is a hell!" Anton was a Christian and I truly believe he had a relationship with God. I pray that he is looking down on us now. If so he MUST KNOW now that he was loved.

I LOVE AND MISS YOU ANTON. AND I'M SORRY.

Sunday.

Hello,

So today was church. We went to the Potter's Wheel, which always has great worship AND a great message. Not as good as Flood. But nothing really is. I miss that church. Potter's Wheel is the church that had the Blind guy that I made fun of.

So anyways the guy in charge of building on the Canaan land is Marcus Gama. He also pastors a church and asked us to come to it today. So we rushed their after out first service. It was WAY different than the Potter's Wheel. We pretty much went from a HUGE church to a little tiny shack of a church. Here are a couple pictures.












Well I dont have much to share. Wayne and Nancy are going to Kruger park in South Africa so it looks like I will be layin low for the next little while.

OH YEAH. Update on Joshua. I am going to buy stuff with him on Saturday. We have enough money to buy 4 fruit tree's, all the seed they need, and fertilizer. I can't wait. I also have a Church who sent me a picture of their congregation who has committed to pray for them AND a family who has sent me a letter and a Family picture to bring them. They are going to be SOOO excited. I will post pictures as they come.

Thats it for now.

Peace&Love...SPREAD IT!

Gooood Mornin. (or Goodnight for most of you)

Well today we are Headin over to New Hope Centre where Joshua works. Wayne's Company wants to get a child from one of the Children's homes to draw a picture of what they think Christmas looks like. Then the company will pick one picture, with the child's picture, print a card, and send it to their thousands of employees. So Today we get to go bring the kids drawing supplies and help them. I've grown very close to the kids at New Hope.

I might have to say bye for a little while today. And Emmanuel. And El Shiddai. Man its like every time I come they are so happy to see me and me the same. Its hard cause when you come for a week they know when your leaving. But this time they dont know when I'm leaving. It will be a sad goodbye whenever it happens.

One thing I've been thinking I'll need prayer for is FOOOOOD at Tumaini. It will be the first time I am AT the home LIVING with the children. I will eat what they eat. Which isnt the greatest. And also I'm pretty picky so I might have to change that. Well I go to Kenya in 10 days...AND COUNTING.

Peace&Love...SPREAD IT!!

Update.

Wow. So before I came to Africa I called around to find the best/cheapest way to buy a plane ticket if I wasnt sure about the address. When I talked to a rep at Orbitz.com he told me "The best way is to book a ticket with an estimated return date and pay the 300 to change the return flight" So I call last night to change Oct. 27th return flight and they say "Sorry Mr. Way It looks like your ticket is non-changeable, non-transferable, non-refundable, and non-anythingable" Turns out the guy lied to me. SO after staying up till 2AM talking to the supervisor she agreed to call the airline and try to get them to pull some strings. SO as of now I have no return flight home. EXCITING!

Ok so sorry to do this but I found a better way to keep track of my FanMail. Please Use the box at the top to join my music mailing list.

FYI Spellcheck doesnt work. I do it every time and I still get all of you complaining about my bad spelling! hah

Joshua called me today and I told him how I told his story on line and he started to cry over the phone. So did I. He is going to talk to his family tonight about what they want us to buy. I would LOVE to buy some fruit trees and plant them on the property. Dont worry pictures will be taken. Also I still need a family to Spiritually Sponsor them! Any takers?

We got to take food to Emmanuel today and I got to see My Girl. Good day. Here's a pic.


Peace&Love...SPREAD IT!!